It’s okay to admit that women like to talk. Most of us actually really enjoy conversation. But, while women are often tagged as talkers, there are key principles to keep in mind in order for speech to make an impact.
In simple terms: To get what you want, you must adapt what you say to the person from whom you need something. Most women, for example, can change their voice and tone of speech to suit an individual listener. It’s different to instruct her small child versus a discussion with a spouse, or when making a presentation to supervisors.
You would not use the same tone of voice, similar vocabulary or equal approach with all of them. This behavior is considered in academic circles as the Communication Accommodation Theory, and was developed by UC Santa Barbara professor, Howard Giles and his colleagues. Its primary premise claims that people change their communication behavior as they interact with one another. On a practical level, let’s examine how this speech theory can help us achieve specific language goals in our routine, daily interactions.
We affect behaviors and reactions primarily when others interpret what we say to them. Sometimes “chit-chat” can be mindless and lacking of an objective, but more often than not, verbal communication by a speaker suits a specific audience in order to produce a desired result. Elements such as pauses, pronunciations and so on can vary statements and evoke different explanations simply by the specific selection of words, inflections or by our physical appearance.
In speech, we all seek to achieve a wanted outcome, so therefore, we adapt how we state something when making a request in order to elicit the response we want. For example, a typical casual-dressing teenager should most likely alter his or her standard attire to impress a prospective boss. Or, a speaker may have to slow her speech as she interacts with an individual who has moderate English language skills.
It is important to adapt to whomever we are speaking. Every discussion or conversation involves one person trying to relate or perhaps, persuade another.
These observations are important for us to note as we pursue the idea of becoming women who are goal-oriented and achievement based, i.e., adapting our communication to acquire a final outcome.
On the job, a woman can make great strides approaching a supervisor with a solution-based response as opposed to accentuating a recognized problem. People who characteristically offer ways to solve problems elicit a positive image from the person with whom they speak. In turn, when the solution-oriented person makes a request in the future, it is generally considered as credible and sincere. Before initiating a results-based conversation, ask yourself the following questions:
- What result do I want?
- What reaction do I want from this person?
- What is the purpose of my appeal?
- What should I refrain from saying because it may be misconstrued?
- Is there a more effective way to state what I need to say?
- Am I relating to this person?
Our linguistic approach based upon the individuals with whom we speak seems like a simplistic approach, but is often overlooked or minimized. We get caught up in our emotional reaction and blurt out what quickly comes to mind, without giving thought to the impact our words can have. We can end up with a dreadful result by not properly accommodating our speech to the individual with whom we speak. Implementing the principles of accommodating speech will steer us to speak more purposefully and will enable us to enjoy greater conversational results.