Romantic encounters feel wonderful and we wish they could last. These powerful emotions are intoxicating and may inspire unrealistic expectations for a continuing relationship. Alas, romantic interludes keep relationships fresh and alive yet are not the stuff of everyday life. Successful couples learn how to create and savor romantic moments together.
Romance and affection, the outward expressions of inward feelings, are indispensable aspects of nurturing loving relationships. And, of course, sexual passion and amorous feelings help partners to feel cherished and treasured by each other.
Physical chemistry between two people is real and exciting and cannot be manufactured or ignored. However, feelings are not the primary glue for committed partners. Rather, friendship, trust, and respect provide the foundation for a relationship’s longevity and meaning.
Since romantic moments cannot be sustained indefinitely, here are a few tips to help avoid disappointments and regrets that may jeopardize opportunities for future pleasure.
Manage expectations
People are not static — needs, desires and priorities change over time. Therefore, we need to be realistic about expectations — our own as well as those of our partners. And, be especially mindful of keeping love and passion alive.
Clarify communication.
If you think that your partner should be able to read your mind about your wishes needs and wants, understand that this is rarely possible. Trying to do it is hard and is NOT an expression of, or proof of, whether or not someone loves you. Clear communication is vital to establishing trust and safety within a relationship and speaking up is vital. It is important that your words and actions match in order to convey your meaning loud and clear. Lack of open, honest communication can cause stress and distrust.
Show respect
People with common interests are often attracted to each other, however, it is important that each person be respected as a unique and independent individual. What matters most is how you treat your partner, regardless of how either of you may feel at a particular moment. In fact, it is often the individual differences that provide the most interest and fun in a relationship.
Fair fighting
People are imperfect individuals and life can be complicated, as disagreements and problems will arise. It’s not what happens in life that matters so much. Rather, it’s how we handle things and what they mean to us that count. When difficulties and conflicts occur, address them truthfully, and do it sooner rather than later. Communicate clearly and respectfully in order to identify and resolve the right problem and work towards a mutually beneficial outcome.
Prioritize your relationship
Be intentional about treasuring your partner by keeping the lines of communication open and clean. Be sure to show your feelings of affection and regard because actions matter and help to keep romance alive.
Enduring relationships
Shed your unrealistic and idealized notions of a perfect relationship — of having a soul mate meet your every need. Genuine connection and partnership thrives when each individual contributes to creating a meaningful, secure and joyful relationship. Because so much of communication is non-verbal, actions and romance are tangible ways of letting your partner know the depth and breadth of your feelings, affection and respect.
By
Esther C. Bleuel, MA, MFT, MDR
Helping You Have Conversations That Matter
ToughTalkCaoch.com (805) 517-4882