By Monique Reidy
As we enter into the holiday season, individuals undergoing a divorce may feel confused about what the holidays will look like going forward now that the family has experienced a break-up. Traditions that have been observed for years might have dissolved, and questions about who gets the kids for which holiday can cause frustrations and fear. Preparing for this new season change can be easier when certain plans can be put in place ahead of time.
Build Your Own Circle of Joy : The holidays don’t have to be spent alone or in sadness. Reach out to friends who energize and uplift you, and intentionally plan something special together. Whether it’s a holiday brunch, a movie marathon, or a weekend getaway, surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about your wellbeing creates new sources of warmth and connection. These chosen moments with friends can become just as meaningful as traditional family gatherings, reminding you that love and celebration extend far beyond one household.
Redefine When You Celebrate : If your children are with your ex-partner on the actual holiday, remember that the magic isn’t tied to a specific date on the calendar. When your kids return, create your own celebration complete with all the trimmings, special meals, gift exchanges, and rituals you cherish. Children are remarkably flexible and often delight in having two celebrations instead of one. This approach removes the pressure and grief of an empty house on the “official” day and gives you something joyful to anticipate with your children.
Release the Past and Design New Traditions : Clinging to traditions that no longer fit your reality only deepens the pain. This is your opportunity to shed what no longer serves you and intentionally craft new rituals that reflect who you are becoming. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to volunteer on Christmas morning, take a winter hike at sunrise, or host a “Friendsgiving” style gathering. Give yourself permission to experiment, to try things that might have seemed impossible in your old life. New traditions may feel strange at first, but they become the foundation of a life that’s authentically yours.
Protect Your Peace : You know what triggers your anxiety and depression, such as certain family gatherings, shopping at places filled with memories, scrolling through social media images of “perfect” families. During this vulnerable season, it’s not weakness to avoid these triggers; it’s wisdom. Set boundaries that protect your emotional wellbeing. Decline invitations that drain you. Limit exposure to situations that pull you backward instead of forward. Healing requires creating space for it to happen.
Rediscover What Brings You Alive : When was the last time you made a list of activities that genuinely light you up? Not what you think you should enjoy, but what actually makes you lose track of time and feel fully present. Use your alone time as sacred space to reconnect with yourself. Read that book series you’ve been meaning to start. Take a cooking class. Visit museums. Sleep late. Binge-watch something frivolous. Learn a new skill. These aren’t indulgences; they’re acts of reclaiming your identity and remembering that you are a whole person with interests, passions, and desires independent of your marriage.
Practice Gratitude as Medicine : As the old saying goes, there’s always something to be grateful for, and an attitude that is overflowing with gratitude will lift your spirits out of the deepest darkness. Start each day by naming three things you’re thankful for, even if they seem small: a warm cup of coffee, a phone call from a friend, the resilience you’ve discovered within yourself. Gratitude doesn’t deny your pain, but it refuses to let pain be the only story. It trains your mind to notice light even in dark seasons, and that practice becomes the bedrock of your recovery.
Choose Empowerment Over Self-Pity : Remember to steer clear of the pity party and practice self-care and empowerment. The temptation to spiral into victimhood is real and understandable, but it’s also a trap that keeps you stuck. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself and look at your situation as an opportunity to pivot and create a life you will love and flourish in. This divorce, as painful as it is, has also cracked open possibilities that didn’t exist before. You get to decide what comes next. You get to build something new. That’s not minimizing your loss; it’s honoring your power to write the next chapter on your own terms.
The holidays after divorce will be different, but different doesn’t have to mean diminished. With intention, support, and self-compassion, you can navigate this season and emerge stronger, more authentic, and more connected to what truly matters.